Things I'll Never Say
by violets92
Summary: Fourth in Arithmetic series. A lot lighter. Very fun. Lots of um, tension.


Things I'll Never Say

Summary: Next part in my "Arithmetic" Series. It's very fun. The story

I thank Sienna again, for the great lyrics. I love this song. I just forgot about it. Thanks for refreshing my memory Sienna!

Disclaimer: I own nothing but Johnny Carter. Pfft…yeah, I made his name up in less than a second. Oh I'm _good_. Rolls Eyes

* * *

_I'm tuggin' at my hair  
I'm pullin' at my clothes  
I'm tryin' to keep my cool  
I know it shows_

This was _ridiculous_. No, not the fact that she was in love with Tony DiNozzo, she had already established _that_ a while ago. What was ridiculous was the way she was acting. What was she? Twelve? This wasn't high school. She didn't have a crush on Johnny Carter anymore. This was the real world, where she had a good paying job working alongside the best federal agents in the country. Yet, she was acting like a schoolgirl with a crush. She couldn't even _banter_ with him properly anymore. She supposed it had something to do with the half-naked images of him flying though her head.

_  
I'm staring at my feet  
My cheeks are turning red  
I'm searching for the words inside my head _

I'm feeling nervous  
Tryin' to be so perfect  
'Cause I know you're worth it, you're worth it

Kate looked up from her desk and stared across at the determined face of her partner. He was actually working for once. She always knew he was capable of it, just not when it was the kind of work with the filling out of forms and constant typing. God! He even looked good when he was writing reports. How was that even possible? Ugh. There she went again. Why couldn't she just accept that it was never going to happen?

If I could say what I want to say  
I'd say I want to blow you--away  
Be with you every night  
Am I squeezing you too tight?  
If I could say what I want to see  
I want to see you go down--on one knee  
Marry me today  
Guess I'm wishing my life away  
With these things I'll never say

Five hours later, there was another drawing of Tony to add to her collection. Kate sighed as she relaxed further back against her couch. He'd only ever seen one of the fifty or so she had. The one on the table was her favorite. It captured his character perfectly. She loved the way that the paper portrayed a very accurate picture of Tony smiling up at her. She smiled back.

Kate jumped as she heard a loud knock at the door. It was nine in the evening. No-one knocked on her door at that time. She grabbed her gun for safety and looked through the peephole. She sighed in relief and nervousness as she saw Tony's face on the other side of the door.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Kate greeted him with an annoyed tone as he walked through the door.

"Aw now that's not nice Katie!" He put on a pout. Kate smiled. "Can't a friend come by and say hello?"

"Sorry. You just surprised me. That's all."

"That was kind of the point Kate dear," He smirked and Kate felt a familiar jolt in her stomach. She cursed her schoolgirl tendencies. "What?"

"What, what?" Kate looked confused.

"I swear you just said something," Now Tony looked confused.

"No. I didn't. Must be going delusional in your old age DiNozzo," She smirked. He laughed.

"Yeah, yeah. You're not so young yourself Katie," She glared.

"Then stop calling me Katie! Do I look five to you?"

"Oh no. _Definitely_ not." He gave her a suggestive smile and Kate hit him while secretly wishing he would do more than just _smirk_ suggestively.

_  
It don't do me any good it's just a waste of time  
What use is it to you what's on my mind?  
If it ain't comin' out, we're not going anywhere  
So why can't I just tell you that I care? _

"Just go sit down you idiot."

"Yes ma'am. Hey…what's this?" Tony picked up a small sketchpad. Kate cursed again. Not so silently.

"It's nothing Tony. Just give it back." She sighed and reached for the paper. It was no surprise when he pulled away to get a better look.

"You were drawing me again, Kate?" He wasn't wearing a smirk this time.

"Tony, just give it back. It's nothing. I was drawing the whole team." For a profiler, Kate was a pretty bad liar.

"Can I keep it?" She looked at him as if he was mad.

"What? You make all this fuss and that's it?"

"First, I wasn't the one making the fuss, and second, it's a good drawing. I like it. Therefore, I want to keep it." Tony said all as if there was nothing to it. Oh well, she had a million others of him, and God knows there'd be another million after tonight.

"Fine. Go ahead. Keep it." She sighed and sat down on the couch.

"Thanks. So…why _were_ you drawing me in the first place?" Kate blushed. She knew that question was coming.

"Like I said, I was drawing the team. You're in the team, therefore I drew you." Tony laughed.

"You know, for a profiler, you're a very bad liar, Katie." Kate glared at the nickname. She knew what he said was true, she sucked at lying.

"Can't we just drop this?"

"No way Kate." Tony smirked. "Why-"

"Tony, I said drop it!" Her face was no longer red in embarrassment, instead, she was just annoyed.

"Katie-"

"Just stop!" Tony looked slightly taken aback. Kate had yelled that last sentence. She hadn't yelled at him like that since the whole car bomb incident.

Kate cursed silently. She didn't mean to get so worked up. She certainly didn't mean to yell at him. She just couldn't bear the consequences of him ever finding out the reason she drew him. She was so mad at herself. All she wanted to do was grab him by the shoulders, shake him and tell him that she loved him. Well, that and a few other things, but she wouldn't go there. 

'Cause I'm feeling nervous  
Tryin' to be so perfect  
'Cause I know you're worth it, you're worth it  
Yeah...

"Maybe I should go." Tony stood up and looked at his shoes.

"No!" Tony looked up and smirked at her enthusiasm. She cursed silently…again. "Look, I'm sorry Tony. I'm just in a bit of a weird mood. I didn't mean to yell."

"Would it help your _mood _if I stayed, or would it just make it worse?" Tony smiled. It wasn't PMS. That was last week.

"No idea, but if you keep on smirking like that, you might not just get me yelling as a punishment." Kate dropped her jaw slightly. Oops. That sentence was _way_ beyond cursing silently.

"Oh really Ms Todd? And how exactly would you punish me?" She glared. "Would you handcuff me, or maybe-OW!" Kate punched him. Hard.

"God! I swear! You're more hormonal than my sixteen year old nephew!" Although as rather, ahem…graphic images flashed through her head, she didn't feel angry at all. To her horror, it just added to her, ah, _urges_.

_  
If I could say what I wanna say  
I'd say I want to blow you--away  
Be with you every night  
Am I squeezing you too tight?  
If I could say what I wanna see  
I want to see you go down--on one knee  
Marry me today  
Guess I'm wishing my life away  
With these things I'll never say_

"You have a nephew?" Tony was surprised. Kate was pretty young. Her sister couldn't be much older.

"Yeah. I don't really want to talk about how he got here either."

"Okay. Well…do you have anything to drink?" Tony quickly changed the subject.

"Like alcohol?" They both smirked.

"No. Well, if you want it, I just wanted to change the subject." His face flushed a very light pink and he wore a sheepish look on his face. Kate's mind was in overdrive. It was almost unbearable, how hot he looked when he had that expression. She recovered quickly.

"Smooth Tony, real smooth." She smirked and moved through to the kitchen, not realizing that he followed. She poured wine in to two glasses and turned around. Kate gasped as she came in contact with a _very_ well defined chest. Thank God she left those glasses on the bench.

"Sorry." He put on another sheepish grin and leaned over her to get his drink.

Kate however, stood speechless in the kitchen for at least a minute before she composed herself enough to go back out into the living room. She grabbed some chips just to look as if she'd actually been doing something, instead of standing backed against a bench, trying to control her breathing.

"Hey, sorry about that. It took me a while to find the chips." She held them up and sat down on the couch and sipped her wine. It suddenly occurred to her that having alcohol in the presence of Tony DiNozzo probably wasn't the best idea. During the time she was in the kitchen, Tony had put on a movie. Grease. She smiled. She hadn't watched this in ages.

(What is)What's wrong with my tongue?  
These words keep slipping away

_I stutter I stumble like I've got nothing to say_

_  
'Cause I'm feeling nervous  
Trying to be so perfect  
'Cause I know you're worth it, you're worth it_

Tony grinned and grabbed a handful of potato chips. On the other hand, Kate was in hell. How the hell could he make grabbing a handful of potato chips seem so sexy? She groaned. This was just idiotic. She'd never actually met a guy she wanted to jump on and…well, you know, until Tony. And that was saying something. She'd met a _lot_ of attractive guys. She scoffed. She was going mad.

"What?" Tony had an amused smirk on his face.

"What do you mean what?" She smiled slightly. It was almost exactly the same as the conversation before.

"You just made a noise. Twice. Are you feeling okay?" Tony actually looked concerned. Kate nearly laughed. God no. She wasn't feeling okay. Except the day she told him why, would be the day Gibbs danced around with pink fairy winks on his back.

"Oh yeah. I'm fine." She was lying through her teeth and she prayed to God it worked.

"Okay then." They fell back into a very comfortable silence. Kate was snapped out of her reverie by an arm making its way around her shoulder. She inhaled sharply. Kate swore that if he tried anything she would kick his ass from here to Puerto Rica. Or maybe she wouldn't. It just depended on how much alcohol she drunk.

I guess I'm wishing my life away  
With these things I'll never say

If I could say what I want to say  
I'd say I want to blow you--away  
Be with you every night  
Am I squeezing you too tight?  
If I could say what I want to see  
I want to see you go down--on one knee  
Marry me today  
Guess I'm wishing my life away...

The movie ended and Kate was happily situated in between Tony's arm and his body. She hadn't been concentrating since he casually put that muscled arm around her shoulder. If he could read her mind at that moment, he probably would have made some smart-ass comment about the catholic schoolgirl Kate Todd having not-so-catholic thoughts.

"Hey. Movie's over. You wanna go to bed?" Kate's face turned a fierce red. Unfortunately, Tony noticed.

"Oh, Kate. I never knew!" He joked and put a hand over his heart. Kate didn't respond. She was still in a slight state of shock. "Katie?" She could feel his breath on her ear.

"Huh?" She moved away from him slightly.

"Uh oh. Is Kate Todd's mind in the gutter again?" He winked and pulled her closer. She regained composure rather quickly, but not enough for her to move out of his warm embrace. She scoffed.

"As if! I'm not the one who _hooks up_ with blonde bimbos just to say you got some action last night." Okay, so she may have sounded slightly jealous. But she swore she wasn't. Jealous, that was.

"Oh I think you'll find not all of them are blondes. I actually prefer brunettes." Kate's jaw dropped and she _really_ wished that Gibbs would just get a life and scrap the idiotic rules. After all, rules are made to be broken.

These things I'll never say

* * *

A/N: You like? 


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